one very common creature
you can find in penang-

backstabbing friends

it happens to lots of people, i have experienced it,
i know others who have as well. it's weird,
you think they're your friends. then, out of no where,
you feel that cold steel blade sink through your skin
and tissues right into your back. they tell you it wasn't
them who did it, you find out that they lied, and you
can feel the blade still sticking out of your back. then they
leave you wounded on the side the road, go and find
someone else that will do what you did. eventually after
you've been cleaned up, and taken to a nice warm dry place,
they apologize, and you accept it and forgive them.
as you do that you hand them back their blade.
you trust that they won't use it again,
but you know in the back of your mind,
that it's bound to happen again.
yet for some reason you still have
that little glimmer of hope.

i mean, you're friends again,
this time you just hope it lasts.
but yet again before you expect it,
that cold steel blade is sinking into your back again,
and the whole process starts over.

there's only one way to stop it,
to cut those 'friends' out of your life before
they completely destroy you. cause if you don't,
they could end up controlling more of your
life then you want them to. you just have to
decide if that little bit of friendship between
blades is worth risking.

the ones who are NOT your real friends
are the ones who stabbed you and left you
for dead on the side of a dirt road.

the ones who ARE your real friends
are the ones who picked you up,
dusted you off, got you cleaned up,
are cared for you when you were down.

and one final point i'm trying to make here,
if you people out there can spend 30 minutes
backstabbing someone, why can't you use that
30 minutes to improve your own life?

[statement made]

[goodnight]

i want to write my heart out,
i want to open my soul.
i want to share my thoughts with you,
but i am not so bold.

i don't want to write sad stuff,
but i really don't know where
to put the big mass of feelings.
and feelings...
can i not have them at all?
can i not think of you, at all?

[none of them is gonna go away]

if i don’t call you
[ it's because i’m waiting for you to call me ]
when i walk away from you mad
[ follow me ]
when i stare at your lips
[ kiss me ]
when i push you or hit you
[ grab me and don’t let go ]
when i start cussing at you
[ kiss me and tell me you love me ]
when i’m quiet
[ ask me what’s wrong ]
when i ignore you
[ give me your attention ]
when i pull away
[ pull me back ]
when you see me at my worst
[ tell me i’m beautiful ]
when you see me start crying
[just hold me and don’t say a word ]
when you see me walking
[ sneak up and hug my waist from behind ]
when i’m scared
[ protect me ]
when i lay my head on your shoulder
[ tilt my head up and kiss me (if you want to) ]
when i tease you
[ tease me back and make me laugh ]
when i don’t answer for a long time
[ reassure me that everything is okay ]
when i look at you with doubt
[ back yourself up ]
when i say that i like you
[ i really do more than you could understand ]
when i grab at your hands
[ hold mine and play with my fingers ]
when i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]
when i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
when i look at you in your eyes
[ don’t look away until i do ]
when i miss you
[ i’m hurting inside ]
when you break my heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]
when i say its over
[ i still want you to be mine ]

[and is that too much?]

there is so much of me that is yours only,
and i wish i had the courage to tell you.

i know it's not gonna be easy,
it's going to be really hard,
i'm gonna have to work at this everyday,
but i want to do that because i want you.
i want all of you, everyday.
like you and me... everyday.

[counting days until i see you again]